don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize