i need an iv and a liver transplant
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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