he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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