its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
