Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
