Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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