best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
