how can u be prego again
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
