Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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