I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
