You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
