i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize