you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
