i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
