New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
