i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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