She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
