I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
