$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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