My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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