The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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