How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
