Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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