You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
