So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
