i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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