I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
