I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
