I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
