I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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