Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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