Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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