Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The best revenge is premature balding
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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