how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
