i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
