I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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