in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
