Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
