I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
