no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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