hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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