Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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