i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize