i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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