My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
