Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
