He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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