apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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