Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
