My Higher Power is John Stamos
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Randomize
