You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize