how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
