It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
