Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
