I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
sex in a hospital.. check
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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