I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
