oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
