I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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