I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize