Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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