just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
