mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
