remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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