Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
