this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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