it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
