she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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