In the future we'll all be gay
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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