Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
