Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
